Advice I Gave My Children When They Were Bullied

Image by Wilhan José Gomes wjgomes from Pixabay 

So my 7-year-old daughter is being bullied. She told me yesterday that she didn’t want to go to school, begging me hysterically, that I would let her stay home for only that one day. But she promised she would go the next. I asked her why she didn’t want to go. She said she didn’t want to. I pestered her further and assured her it was alright to tell me. She said a boy named Daniel keeps pushing her, making her fall. I enquired further if it happened every day, she told me it did. I then asked her if she’d told him to stop doing that. She had. I took a big sigh, something else about parenting that I’m not sure what to do.

My son is being bullied too.

My son had a similar story last month. I used to give him some money going to school, 0.50$ for snacks, or buy something from the school shop. I give them both. My intention is teaching how to budget, save; financial lessons, so to say. And I only gave it to them if they did house chores they don’t usually do. My daughter saved hers till the end of the week. She bought a bar of chocolate she liked from the supermarket with it.

One evening, my daughter told me that my son had been giving away his money to grade 3 boys. I didn’t understand why he would do that. He likes buying himself things. Why would he give his money away? He later confessed that some boys in his class pressure him to come with money to school. When he does, they take it. I was beyond furious. He told me the teacher didn’t do anything when he told her, but I figured even if she had, this might happen at some point in his life, I might as well teach them how to handle it.

I told her:

Always say no, if you are uncomfortable.

I believe this is always the first step, making your woes known verbally. I always remind them to say no first. Politely at first, and if the perpetrator isn’t listening to shout the No to them. A classmate of mine bullied me in my second grade, and it was a terror for me at school that period. I never once did say no to my bully, and the only reason it stopped was cause she transferred to another school. Refusing to say no in my life has resulted in many dire consequences for me, and as much as I am still working on my esteem issues, I want my children to say no, loudly and proudly, when they need to. I remind them that everyone likes doing their own thing. None should coerce to do what they don’t want. Consequently, if someone doesn’t want to do what they want and that child tells them no, they should hear it, listen and leave that child alone.

And if there no, isn’t heard, to come back home if they can and if they can’t here is my next step.

Fight back.

I’m wary of telling them this, but I don’t think there is another choice. The world can be mean sometimes. They to learn how to fight back. I told my daughter if Daniel didn’t listen to her, she should push him too, and much harder at that. I told my son to force back at the boys who forcefully took his money and beat them if necessary. Two wrongs don’t make a right but the last thing I want my kids to be its victims. The thought of them ending up like I am, afraid and cowering gives me the chills, and it won’t happen on my watch. I’d rather have my child as the bully after an uncomfortable encounter than the one attacked.

Fight back, fight harder, kick and scratch if your repeated nos aren’t making any progress.

I will keep reminding them as the days go, but I hope I didn’t have to. The world is not always kind, and I need to know they’ll retaliate when bullied and in situations they don’t want to be.

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