Deep Down

Deep down

I know what I want and I don’t know what I want. Either way, deep inside me, I can feel when something I do is not right. I can feel when it is not true and is not good for me. Call it instincts or sixth sense, we all have it. The feeling we get that tells us we’re in the wrong. Deep down we can sense we are not meant to be where we are. Deep down, we know what’s good for us.

Deep down, we’d broken up.

I knew when he stopped looking at me like he used to. I felt his absence, his distance, and his disengagement. I felt his focus shift from who we were and who we used to be. I felt him saying goodbye long before we actually did. Deep down I actualized our separation and foresaw our demise. I chose to ignore it, believe in what I couldn’t see. I chose to look sideways and imagine what we were supposed to be. The truth was staring at me in my face and I felt it deep down but I looked away. It wasn’t until I asked questions that I accepted the truth.

Deep down, I should’ve turned down the job.

I knew I wasn’t going to make it through that job. I felt it sucking the life out of me. I was anxious, restless and yet tired. I knew I shouldn’t be there. I had wanted out form the very first day. Deep down I felt out of sync with my boss. In spite of this, I held on, I had debts to pay. I came in early, did my time and tried my best. Still, I was in discomfort, my spirit did not feel right being there. In the end, I was fired, wrongfully accused and publicly humiliated.

Have courage.

Are you where you want to be? Do you know what you want? Are you who you want to be? Deep down, we know but we don’t always trust it. Trust yourself, trust your instincts and I pray we’ll all have the courage to follow ourselves deep down.

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2 Comments

  1. Sheila says:

    Mmmmmh quite deep. We all just need a shoulder to lean on in difficult times. May the heavens watch over us

    1. mm
      Sitawa says:

      Thanks Sheila. True.

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