Personal, Solitude

I’m an addict

There are things in my life I have become accustomed to. Things I have indulged in time and again to the point I think I need them in my life. These things I am so used to that my body requires them now. Things that necessarily aren’t important but are now part of me, part of my life. These things now give me the feeling of control, of satisfaction and peace. I am an addict.

I love these things so much, I tell myself I do. Either way, I believe that. Sometimes thinking about them makes my mouth water and triggers their desire. Sometimes, my mind is nowhere near them and I forget they exist. However the power I feel,the tranquility that feels my mind when I give way to their enjoyment is what scares me. It is that meaning I have placed on them that troubles me at times.

Addict; say this word and minds jump to alcohol, drugs, pornography… You know all things in that bracket we consider vices. Nevertheless something as simple as pulling your hair or carrots can be an addiction. Anything that gives you that high, that fix you need might be an addiction. I’m an addict , so are you. We all are, having given meaning to things in our lives that give us that feeling we desperately need and severely crave.

Honestly, I don’t think we can completely rid ourselves of them rather transfer that addiction to another object, another action. Our bodies, our minds require that one thing we focus on more that gives us meaning and calms us.

I ask myself sometimes, is it harming me, my relationships, the environment? The answer is yes,most times it is. If not our bodies, it’s our minds, our hearts that bear that burden. So I refrain for a couple of days, a couple of weeks and back I am again. This time it feels better,the feeling of satisfaction is stronger and this has now become my reward system. I stay off for sometime, indulge later, feel way better and I find I don’t take as much as I would have.

Can we stay without addictions?I don’t know. I know mine, do you know yours? Do you hide it? How do you control it?

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