I was launched into parenthood or so I say. Well, it was more a result of reckless sexual behaviour. A couple of incidences of unprotected sex will get you pregnant and I was one of those, twice.
I have been blessed with two children a boy and a girl. They have shown me that I didn’t know lots of things. This is directed to my 18-year-old self who thought life had taught her everything. Parenthood has its days like all other things. The days when these two bundles of joy remind me how much love is present in this world and the days when I want to take a break and go for a holiday somewhere far with sandy beaches.
Sometimes I look at them and wonder if what I’m doing is right. I wonder if all the things I’ve done, to them and for them will screw them up. Am I raising them right? Am I doing everything that needs to be done to prepare them for life ahead? Will they be strong, have faith and know how much I love them? Are they joyful truly? Do they know to love themselves? Will, they grow into respectable adults?
I ask myself all these and many more and at the end of the day, I feel like it’s not enough and time is going too fast. Back then when they were little, I always thought all I had to do was provide for them, make sure that they had all the materials they needed, physically. I forgot that that also expanded to their spiritual, mental, emotional needs as well. I forgot I have the responsibility of molding these two blessings into who they are meant to be. That scares me at times and has me doubting myself as a parent.
Through time I have come to know that it’s okay, feeling I’m coming short as a parent. It’s okay wanting a break from my kids now and then. It’s okay feeling tired and frustrated when I’m with them. It’s through all this that I learn and grow as a parent. It’s in this that I give pieces of myself to someone and see parts of myself in them. It’s in this that my limits are tested. It’s in this that I love someone just because.