At 21, Done.
I gave up on myself at 21. Twenty one, imagine that!, but not yet!
My dreams, my goals and all the things I wanted to accomplish, I closed the book on them.I thought that my life was over, that there was nothing else I could do. Reason for this? Becoming a mother. After the birth of my first child, I gave up. In my head, that was the finisher of all things.
I remember thinking I’d never fall in love again or write a book. The only future I saw was working to raise my daughter. Fun was not a vocabulary that passed in my thoughts or something I thought I could ever feel again. I had accepted this fate with my whole heart and I didn’t think it would change any time.
Days went slowly and time dragged and I could never see my daughter growing up. It felt like time was frozen and nothing lay ahead. However, it was moving and hours into days into weeks and months and my child was growing and my dreams still lingered.
At some point I thought to myself, maybe there were things I could still do. I could still wear that ragged trouser I loved and it made me feel good. That poem I wanted to write, that cake I craved for, I could still enjoy. Slowly by slowly with the small things I started to do, I realized that there was more. It was not yet time to throw in the towel.
At 28, Not yet
7 years ago, that was me at 21 and now it’s my 28th birthday. Don’t they say, the body replaces itself a new after 7 years? Am I a new whole being now? True or not, I have changed. One of the things I now believe is that, there’s never a time to give up entirely. On this side of the soil, still breathing, still lucid, still dreaming, there’s still time.
Time to go after everything we deemed possible regardless of age, condition or situation. In spite of outside voices and inward doubt. It’s not yet time to close the book and quit. Time is on still on my side and one of my greatest resources. Use it, and enjoy it. Undeterred by where you are now thinking that’s the final destination, you have time.
It’s not yet time, always remember that. Not yet.