It was usually around 11.00 pm or 12.00 am when I’d sneak out to go do IT. He’d been my crush for all my four years in high school. My longest crush at that point in my life. I’d had very little sexual experience and neither did he. In fact, I had only had sex once before. No harm was done, might as well find out what the fuss was all about and with someone I was at least attracted too.
He needed some lessons so did I. We set out as sexual acquaintances, we weren’t really friends. I had my first enjoyable and adventurous sexual experiences with him. There was neither love nor attraction involved my first time, I had just wanted to get off the virginity station.
On the back page of my poetry book, I used to write the number of times and the dates I’d had sex. The younger me took comfort in keeping track, that till a certain number of times I’d feel less whorish. I didn’t realize that I had already left the station on the sex train and it wasn’t coming back. I was not the relationship type then. I wanted freedom and I thought I was in control so I didn’t get to enjoy the beauty of constant action. Finally, when I did it lasted for a short while.
Even so, in this short while, I found out, sex was much more than physical gratification. It was in love that I learned the beauty and connection of it. The respect I needed to give it, the joy I got from it and the transcendence of it. The level of emotional, mental and psychological energy that gets exchanged in sex. I now treasured, valued and held it dearly.
I’m now holding on to my secondary might as well be tertiary virginity and waiting for marriage (laughing at that). Someday when I’ll be talking to my children about sex and it’s consequences, about contraception, pregnancies, STD’s and STI’s, I’ll remember.
I’ll remember to tell them to wait. To wait for love and respect first before choosing to give their bodies to another. Wait for spiritual, mental, and emotional before physical connection. To wait for trust and for marriage before sex. Wait for friendship and vulnerability with whomever they’ll deem worthy. To know that they can protect themselves physically but sex goes deeper and nothing prevents that yet.