Grief

My moment of pleasure
For a second or a year
Leads me back again

Searching
Needing
Wanting

And it’s in this imperfection, I find my peace
Knowing that nothing in this earth
Can fill me
To my heart’s content

This deep longing
Caused by your absence

Aches my heart

And festers
Into a full-blown pain
With no remedy

I’m a ball of curves
Praying to be straightened

It’s not hate, I run away from
Or sadness that I shudder to think about
It’s not cruelty or envy or anger

All these I know

It’s kindness that I check out twice
Generosity, that I doubt
It’s forgiveness that puzzles
Contentment, that I don’t understand

Hold me now
Don’t let me fall over

This edge

Pull me back
Don’t let me sink deeper

Tis hole

For I am weak and weary
And this life

Is wahsing me away

So much beauty
Remains in us
Stuck

Because we think it’s not time yet
That the world, the people, the place
Are not ready yet

While time passes through is
Washing away that beauty slowly

Until we can’t find it in us anymore

There’s no life we make,
Only bring
No life we take
Only lose

For we create no life
We’re merely conduits

This life isn’t ours
We didn’t ask for it
Can’t give it back

It just is

Wounds stay open
Some of them anyway
And I keep bleeding
But my life refuses to run out

Cause of you

I douse my truth
Hide myself and
Cover my heart

Afraid you’ll see me
And know my thoughts

And find
The strangeness that lies therein

I’m in the sad zone, they say
Where the words don’t rhyme
And music dies

The mad zone, I’m told
Where all’s off tune
And life’ in ruin

And a heaviness devours the land

Burning
Turning
My true colours, dark

I put my heart into it
Had my hands digging
Myself kneeling

But the seed I planted
Grew and withered

And I learned, that sometimes
The work of my hands
Can be a sore in my mind

Break me out of myself

I’m drowning
My mind won’t keep still
And my heart wighs a ton

And my eyes are pouring like the rain

Break me out of myself

I’m losing it
My strength is drained
And my legs won’t move forward

And my will to love escapes me

I’ve been lost so many times

I know the way around nowhere

All parts of myself
Lined up
And I couldn’t pick one

I’m still unbale
To reconcile
These pieces into me
Still praying
To be at peace
With all slices of myself

How do I mend fences that keep falling in my own land

How do I fix bridges that get broken after each repair

Don’t ask for Truth
Won’t handle it
Just accuse me of lying
Can’t offer more apologies

Don’t ask for Truth
I can’t find it
I’m lost in such tragedy
Doing my best to hide it

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