My moment of pleasure
For a second or a year
Leads me back againSearching
Needing
WantingAnd it’s in this imperfection, I find my peace
Knowing that nothing in this earth
Can fill me
To my heart’s content
This deep longing
Caused by your absenceAches my heart
And festers
Into a full-blown pain
With no remedyI’m a ball of curves
Praying to be straightened
It’s not hate, I run away from
Or sadness that I shudder to think about
It’s not cruelty or envy or angerAll these I know
It’s kindness that I check out twice
Generosity, that I doubt
It’s forgiveness that puzzles
Contentment, that I don’t understand
Hold me now
Don’t let me fall overThis edge
Pull me back
Don’t let me sink deeperTis hole
For I am weak and weary
And this lifeIs wahsing me away
So much beauty
Remains in us
StuckBecause we think it’s not time yet
That the world, the people, the place
Are not ready yetWhile time passes through is
Washing away that beauty slowlyUntil we can’t find it in us anymore
There’s no life we make,
Only bring
No life we take
Only loseFor we create no life
We’re merely conduitsThis life isn’t ours
We didn’t ask for it
Can’t give it backIt just is
Wounds stay open
Some of them anyway
And I keep bleeding
But my life refuses to run out
Cause of you
I douse my truth
Hide myself and
Cover my heartAfraid you’ll see me
And know my thoughtsAnd find
The strangeness that lies therein
I’m in the sad zone, they say
Where the words don’t rhyme
And music diesThe mad zone, I’m told
Where all’s off tune
And life’ in ruinAnd a heaviness devours the land
Burning
Turning
My true colours, dark
I put my heart into it
Had my hands digging
Myself kneelingBut the seed I planted
Grew and witheredAnd I learned, that sometimes
The work of my hands
Can be a sore in my mind
Break me out of myself
I’m drowning
My mind won’t keep still
And my heart wighs a tonAnd my eyes are pouring like the rain
Break me out of myself
I’m losing it
My strength is drained
And my legs won’t move forwardAnd my will to love escapes me
I’ve been lost so many times
I know the way around nowhere
All parts of myself
Lined up
And I couldn’t pick oneI’m still unbale
To reconcile
These pieces into me
Still praying
To be at peace
With all slices of myselfHow do I mend fences that keep falling in my own land
How do I fix bridges that get broken after each repair
Don’t ask for Truth
Won’t handle it
Just accuse me of lying
Can’t offer more apologiesDon’t ask for Truth
I can’t find it
I’m lost in such tragedy
Doing my best to hide it
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