Worry

Very recently, I encountered a nervous situation. You know the one where your heart beats at about a million times per minute; well a bit of exaggeration over there but you actually feel like it’s beating too fast. Your breath quickens and your hands start shaking and they become wet; more of slippery. Sweat beads start forming on your forehead and your stomach starts churning. The latter resulting to apparent and increased bowel movements but from where you are standing all you can stifle is a fart. You can’t stay still but you have to force yourself to relax. Now, you are panting but you manage to reduce it to controlled inhales and exhales. It’s the continuous scratching of hair and or neck that follow and this moment seems like it will never end.

At this point, you’re praying like you’ve never prayed before, all the while promising God that if He delivers you from this situation you’ll do one thing or the other. You beg Him to remember you, to be there for you because you want this to be over. After that you move on to please. Now it’s please ‘pleease pleeease God’, please just save me now. You’re clearly not in control and anything, anyone who will come to your rescue; you’ll pretty much shower them with gratitude and praises. There is nothing else you can do or even think about besides this moment and it’s one of those that consume you fully.

Well, as I was saying, I was in this exact situation very recently. Amidst all I was going through, as I tried to calm myself down and give myself some peace, I dawned on me that I was seriously worried. This is something I always try to avoid. All the reasons I lay out to myself; worry doesn’t help anyone, won’t do anything for me, wastes time and here I was full of worry that my body shook. I detested being here and feeling this. At that moment I realized that worrying was actually good for me.

All the worrying I’m afraid of, was in effect helping me deal with my situation and in its own way alleviating me from thinking I was done for. As much as I was in the moment going through that nervous experience, worrying helped me cope and gave me something to hang on to. In all my anxiety, worrying about the incident gave me a silver lining and slowly, I became hopeful as the tension manifested into worry. In addition I was able to analyze the situation better in my worried state than when I was all shaky and edgy. It’s not what I expected and the moment soon passed and I took something from it; that I shouldn’t be afraid to be worried, it’s as natural as all my other feelings.

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